Muraki VS Mr Psychiatrist
by TurboFerret
Summary: The inevitable clash between Muraki and a Psychiatrist, Dont tell me youve never thought of how it might be.


Ok ladies and gents, I just thought such a thing was asking to be written. Dont get offended, because I dont like psychiatrists. And dont start to hate them after reading this, psychiatrists are people too, I guess. This one-shot is mercilessly filled with irony, from Murakis side mostly. and I must admit I got the Idea of Oriya cleaning Murakis labcoats from another story, just dont hang me for that.

Ironically yours,

Morality

* * *

_I can't believe Oriya talked me into this. This is 1) embarrassing 2)degrading. Personal memo, never listen to him again. _

_So this is the source of all folly – balsamic music, leather couch, opiates, and a fossil of a specialist with an expression of understanding plastered on his face. Why do I feel like needing a camisole and a padded flat already? _

"Good day, Mr Muraki, please, make yourself comfortable."

_Oh this man is practically radiating serenity, he should have joined his patients a long time ago. Hm, he has some nice pictures with crimson roses, I thought psychiatrists had to make their offices neutral. Such passionate colours provoke certain memories. _

_Look, I haven't said a word and he's already scribbling some irreversible mental disease into my case-record. There is a reason why I despise this profession. These people rummage through your most delicate issues, make you relive them again and then give you some sedative-including medical treatment to calm your nerves. If you let them that is._

_What new could this man possibly tell me? I'm a murderer obsessed with dolls, I have a childhood trauma and an undying passion for a person of my own sex whom I want to kill, operate and then kill again. I don't need a professional to deduct that I'm insane._

-"Thank you for your patience, now tell me, do you know why you're here?"

-"I took an advise of an old friend." _And I m never doing it again._

-"I see, do you have any idea why he wanted you to come?" _Hm let me see. he's a caring mother hen that has been covering up for me every now and then, and is obviously sick and tired of de-blooding my lab- coats. Perhaps I should get somebody else to do it or buy a detergent or a washing machine to start with. If that truly is a reason to send me here, then it is cruel to say the least._

-"I guess he questions my sanity." _No, wait, I know, Oriya wanted to go to theatre this evening, I remember seeing tickets on his table. Yeah, and he obviously didn't want to be troubled afterwards. I wonder why, it's whether He's found himself a new playmate or just fed up with my good-night stories. Still, he could have just told me to stay away from trouble, yeah, like I would listen. I think He's gotten him a mate and doesn't want me to see him or her or whoever it is._

-"What could cause his worries?" _Oh yes, if I return from this establishment, there will be a lot to be worried about. Although, nope, he's too used to my ways, I am more than certain Oriya didn't want to wash my coat this evening. _

-"I am clueless." _I'm getting comfortable on this thing, I wonder where he could find one of these. Perhaps I could slaughter the man and take it? Hm, Yes, I can see a headline **"Slaughtered for a leather couch"**. Such waste of the time, I could have plotted the ways to get to my purple -eyed wonder._

-"I see it is your first time in our clinic." _What on earth made you think that? I have nothing better to do than to lie on leather couches and spill beans. _

-"Yes it is." _I wasn't bluffing, what in the name of seven hells stopped me from doing that? _

-"Now, please relax, you can fully trust me." _What is he going to do, give me an enema or something? Seriously, I ve heard the nurses saying it numerous times before that procedure. "Don't worry, the safety of your butt crack is in my hands."_

_OK he's still expecting some kind of reaction. How was it again, oh yes, strategy Nr 35 - pretend to be relaxed, take deep, composed breaths and stare into nothingness. I can do that._

-"That is much better, perhaps you would like to tell me about your family?" _You're pushy, old man. What makes you think you have rights to ask about it? My dad was a male whore and my mother was a lunatic and oh yess, I forgot my sweet half brother who wanted to release me from this cruel world. I still have his head in my dresser or is it the basement, ..hmm,.. I should find that key card and go feed him once in a while. What of it? Some people keep koi-fish in water tanks, I keep a head. Not like keeping pets is out of ordinary._

-"My father was a doctor, he died, my mother was unemployed, she died soon after my father, my half brother was killed." _At least that's what I found on my family in the archive. So I'm not lying in the least._

-"This is very sad, I'm sorry for you." _Well, I'm not. Stop acting compassionate, it's not what You're supposed to be doing. If I wanted compassion, I'd go to father confessor or any whore on the street and tell this idle story._

-"I've gotten over it." _Would you know it, I'm a big boy now. Yeah, I've gotten over your condolences._

-"Could you describe your relationship with your family members?" _Oh now we're getting to the childhood trauma fact and certain revelations of Mr Freud. _

-"Mutual."_ Well, my mother treated me like a doll and I allowed to play with myself. That could be translated as mutuality. My father ignored me and I ignored him, the actions were mutual. As for Saki, we shared bed and hatred. _

-"Lets move on to inkblot test, please tell me what you see and what emotions you experience." _Nice, no more stupid questions. Hmm let's see. This one looks like my dagger coated in blood. _

-"I see a sakura, frenzy."

-"And this?" T_his reminds me of Tsuzukis glaring eyes, yet his expression doesn't matter, I ll get what I want one way or another._

-"A pink elephant, lust." _Oh my, that was uncalled for. What's this? I won't comment on what it looks like although this could be used to show the anatomic structure of the male reproductive system. _

-"A drinking doe, duty."

-"An insect. enjoyment."

-"A paddle boat, numbness."

_I'm bored, Its about time to end this silly game._

-"Blood. Pleasure."

-"Entrails, fun."

-"A corpse, achievement."

-"A dagger. Instrument."_ Why is he looking at me that way? He asked for that himself._

-"You Don't happen to be working in medi-care sphere?"_ What on earth gave you that idea, no definitely NOT me._

-"I do." _Let me say this instead of you, old man – You've been working too much, you should take some time off, go somewhere abroad, compose thoughts, find aim in life and so on._

-"Seeing that hospitals lack staff, I'm guessing you work overtime."

-"I do."_ Why do I start feeling like a bride at the altar?_

-"You Don't have many friends."

-"I don't." _Technically I have no friends – Oriya? No, He's more like a relative than a friend now, the same goes to Ukyou, and I have an unwilling lover. I guess I'm a happy person._

-"I'm guessing you have trouble in your love life and You're not too fond of revealing yourself."_ Oh my, I feel so exposed, where did you get that from, my relationship with my mother? Well if You're on Freud's side, then you did. Do you even know he wrote all his thesis just because he was on verge of bankruptcy? _

-"I can't agree with you, doctor, although I might be quite laconic in my answers, still, everything, including my sexual relationship is going the way I expect it to." _I must admit I was just fed up with answering in two words every time._

-"With this you mean You're absolutely content with the matters at hand." _Did I come in sobbing or asking for help? _

-"Yes I am."

-"Still, I d like you to take some time off at work, go abroad, make some differences in your life."_ I said that just some minutes ago. Yes, of course, I was just about to make a difference and go and join a polka club._

-"I see You're not quite fond of leaving the country, at least take some rest."_ You Don't know what You're asking for. Do you know my 3 major preferences in life are: Claiming Tsuzuki, My research and The murders? Since I can't have him most of the time, it leaves me with the two latter and if I have to quit my job, killing will be all I'm left with. Not like I would complain, but I like the convenience of having alternatives. _

-"I'll see what I can do about it." _Perhaps I should invite Tsuzuki to such a place and be his personal psychoanalyst,_ insert evil laughter _I could help him reveal his alter ego that wants me as badly as I want him, under certain circumstances and persuasion of course._

-"Oh, and Mr Muraki, keep in touch."

-"But of course."_ Perhaps in morgue.

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Your thoughts, rants, questions and corrections appreciated ant any time of the day. 


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